Note: I talk about how God helped me overcome an addiction to
pornography. But the reality is, you can substitute any sin you struggle with into this story. Pornography is something that affects so many in my generation, but if it's another sin for you, I just want you to see the power of Christ. Any battle with sin is able to be won through Jesus' death and resurrection. It’s not a lost battle, don’t give
up, press on!
I grew up in church. My dad became a pastor the year I was
born and I was homeschooled through my sophomore year in high school. In my junior
year I started going to a private school in the basement of my church.
I always put on a good front and looked like I was doing
well. But inside, there was always a deep shame. I went through all the
hand motions, raised my hands in worship, read my bible for 5-10 minutes in the
morning, went to church every Sunday. But never really had a deep passion or love for God.
During my 10th grade year of high school, I broke
my femur bone into 3 pieces. During that crisis I learned what it truly meant
to cry out to God in a time of need. But once I recovered and got back to
hanging with my friends, God once again fell to the background and I was back
to the hand motions.
During my junior year I started deceiving my parents on a
consistent basis. I was constantly lying to them. Not only that, in the middle
of that year I got addicted to pornography. I was entrenched, I couldn’t get
out and it became a habit for the next 2-3 years. I didn’t let anyone know, I
constantly was living in a deep inward shame, and I was believing two lies:
1) “I’m the only guy around here that struggles with this
sin.”
2) “My parents, pastors and friends are all going to look
down on me for this sin.”
Let me just say, those are both the complete opposite of the
truth and pretty stupid looking back. First, no matter what sin you are currently fighting; you are not the
only one struggling with it. This is very clear in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No
temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.”(ESV)
Secondly if your parents, pastors and friends are
disciples of Christ, they will respect you for confessing. Because you are following God’s commands
to walk in the light. 1 John 1:7, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the
light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son
cleanses us from all sin.”(ESV)
About 2 years ago after my freshman year in college, I
confessed all my sins to my dad and good friend. The inward shame that I had
been experiencing for so long was immediately lifted. I was now obeying what
God has called me to as a disciple of Christ. It definitely wasn't easy to confess and wasn't an easy path to overcome. But there was freedom in confessing and having other people know your darkness. It hasn’t been a perfect
road since I confessed 2 years ago. The temptation doesn’t immediately
stop. (If it does for you, teach me your ways!) But God’s grace is there. If I'm struggling with lust in any way I now have my go to friends that I can call up. They point me back to the truth about God and His Word.
The same month of my confession, I asked the Lord to give me
a hunger and thirst for His Word and help me to understand what He is calling
me to as His disciple. God has been so faithful to answer that prayer! Each
day, His Word becomes sweeter and sweeter and he shows me new things about
himself and about myself. It takes a constant feeding of God’s Word and prayer
to be able to fight sin.
I want to share with you just a few verses that God has used
to help me fight this sin of lust.
1 Peter 3:18, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the
righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to
death in the flesh but made alive in the Spirit.”
What hit me here were these three words, “Christ also
suffered.” What? Why would Christ suffer for me? Didn’t he create me? Why would
he want to bring this filthy sinner to Him? And this is when I really wanted to know
who Jesus really was. I wanted to find scriptures that told me about Him. So I opened up to another passage and it was Colossians 1. Read this,
Colossians 1:15-20, “He
is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him
all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether
thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through
him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold
together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the
firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him
all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to
himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of
his cross.” (ESV)
So Jesus is the creator of this world. And he came down here to die for my
sins. I had always known that, but Colossians hit me in a fresh way. I wanted to understand even more, and that’s when
God took me to Revelations 4 and 5. We get a glimpse of the type
of worship that Jesus was encountering on a eternal basis from the angels and
seraphim.
-“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is
and is to come!” (4:8)
-“Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and
honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and
were created.” (4:11)
-“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing
and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” (5:9)
Jesus was being worshiped 24/7 by the angels, seraphims and heavenly beings and he left that worship to come down amongst sinful man. This also
hit me in a new way, why would he do that? It's simple yet not humanly comprehensible, it's because of his grace and love.
I went back to 1 Peter and
read the verse again and now the last sentence hit me when I read we are not
only put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the Spirit. What? So I how
could I stop looking at these pornographic images? How could I fight my lustful
desires. Because I am a new creation through faith in the death and Resurrection of Jesus and now am able to fight sin with the Power of the
Holy Spirit..
Romans 8:11, “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the
dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give
life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”
The same Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is the same Spirit that helped me overcome this addiction and sin. And is the same Spirit that wants to help you overcome the sin that you are currently fighting on a daily basis.
The last passage of scripture that hit me hard was Colossians
3. Because it’s not only clear that we are new creations and therefore must put
off the old self and put on the new self. It tells us why. The last 3 words of
verse 15 says, “And be thankful.” This is why we seek to kill our sin and fight
it. Not because it earns our salvation, but because we realize just how much
Jesus went through to die on that cross for our sins. It’s out of gratefulness in my
heart for what Jesus went through for me that I’m seeking to kill this lustful
sin on a daily basis. It’s out of gratefulness in my heart for what Jesus did
on the cross for me that I’m seeking to live a life of speech and conduct in a
way that honors God.
When we are constantly giving into sin of any kind and not trying to fight it. We are making a statement that we are not grateful for what Jesus did on the cross. We'd rather have this momentary pleasure then having eternal pleasure in Jesus.
I have a lot more I could say and share, but right now have the absolute
privilege to work in the public schools. One of the highlights for me is
getting to lead a weekly bible study where we just study the truth of scripture
and come together. Not only have multiple guys come to me struggling with
pornography. I’ve had multiple girls struggling with the same thing. God wants
to give freedom to you today if you are battling any hidden sin. He wants you
to experience the grace that he offers. I want each person who daily bears the
burden of hidden sin to experience the joy and hope I’ve experienced from
opening up my life to others. God will bless you immensely with a new hope and
joy that you have not experienced in a while. Earlier I shared 1 John 1:7. Two
verses later in verse 9 it says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (ESV)
Come
find forgiveness and cleansing in the blood of Jesus!
