Pornography: Addiction? (My Testimony of God's Power)

Note: I talk about how God  helped me overcome an addiction to pornography. But the reality is, you can substitute any sin you struggle with into this story. Pornography is something that affects so many in my generation, but if it's another sin for you, I just want you to see the power of Christ. Any battle with sin is able to be won through Jesus' death and resurrection. It’s not a lost battle, don’t give up, press on!

I grew up in church. My dad became a pastor the year I was born and I was homeschooled through my sophomore year in high school. In my junior year I started going to a private school in the basement of my church.

I always put on a good front and looked like I was doing well. But inside, there was always a deep shame. I went through all the hand motions, raised my hands in worship, read my bible for 5-10 minutes in the morning, went to church every Sunday. But never really had a deep passion or love for God.

During my 10^th grade year of high school, I broke my femur bone into 3 pieces. During that crisis I learned what it truly meant to cry out to God in a time of need. But once I recovered and got back to hanging with my friends, God once again fell to the background and I was back to the hand motions.

During my junior year I started deceiving my parents on a consistent basis. I was constantly lying to them. Not only that, in the middle of that year I got addicted to pornography. I was entrenched, I couldn’t get out and it became a habit for the next 2-3 years. I didn’t let anyone know, I constantly was living in a deep inward shame, and I was believing two lies:

1) “I’m the only guy around here that struggles with this sin.”

2) “My parents, pastors and friends are all going to look down on me for this sin.”

Let me just say, those are both the complete opposite of the truth and pretty stupid looking back. First, no matter what sin you are currently fighting; you are not the only one struggling with it. This is very clear in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.”(ESV)

Secondly if your parents, pastors and friends are disciples of Christ, they will respect you for confessing. Because you are following God’s commands to walk in the light. 1 John 1:7, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”(ESV)

About 2 years ago after my freshman year in college, I confessed all my sins to my dad and good friend. The inward shame that I had been experiencing for so long was immediately lifted. I was now obeying what God has called me to as a disciple of Christ. It definitely wasn't easy to confess and wasn't an easy path to overcome. But there was freedom in confessing and having other people know your darkness. It hasn’t been a perfect road since I confessed  2 years ago. The temptation doesn’t immediately stop. (If it does for you, teach me your ways!) But God’s grace is there. If I'm struggling with lust in any way I now have my go to friends that I can call up. They point me back to the truth about God and His Word.

The same month of my confession, I asked the Lord to give me a hunger and thirst for His Word and help me to understand what He is calling me to as His disciple. God has been so faithful to answer that prayer! Each day, His Word becomes sweeter and sweeter and he shows me new things about himself and about myself. It takes a constant feeding of God’s Word and prayer to be able to fight sin.

I want to share with you just a few verses that God has used to help me fight this sin of lust.

1 Peter 3:18, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the Spirit.”

What hit me here were these three words, “Christ also suffered.” What? Why would Christ suffer for me? Didn’t he create me? Why would he want to bring this filthy sinner to Him? And this is when I really wanted to know who Jesus really was. I wanted to find scriptures that told me about Him. So I opened up to another passage and it was Colossians 1. Read this,

Colossians 1:15-20, “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” (ESV)

So Jesus is the creator of this world. And he came down here to die for my sins. I had always known that, but Colossians hit me in a fresh way. I wanted to understand even more, and that’s when God took me to Revelations 4 and 5. We get a glimpse of the type of worship that Jesus was encountering on a eternal basis from the angels and seraphim.

-“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” (4:8)

-“Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.” (4:11)

-“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” (5:9)

Jesus was being worshiped 24/7 by the angels, seraphims and heavenly beings and he left that worship to come down amongst sinful man. This also hit me in a new way, why would he do that? It's simple yet not humanly comprehensible, it's because of his grace and love. 

I went back to 1 Peter and read the verse again and now the last sentence hit me when I read we are not only put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the Spirit. What? So I how could I stop looking at these pornographic images? How could I fight my lustful desires. Because I am a new creation through faith in the death and Resurrection of Jesus and now am able to fight sin with the Power of the Holy Spirit..

Romans 8:11, “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”

The same Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is the same Spirit that helped me overcome this addiction and sin. And is the same Spirit that wants to help you overcome the sin that you are currently fighting on a daily basis.

The last passage of scripture that hit me hard was Colossians 3. Because it’s not only clear that we are new creations and therefore must put off the old self and put on the new self. It tells us why. The last 3 words of verse 15 says, “And be thankful.” This is why we seek to kill our sin and fight it. Not because it earns our salvation, but because we realize just how much Jesus went through to die on that cross for our sins. It’s out of gratefulness in my heart for what Jesus went through for me that I’m seeking to kill this lustful sin on a daily basis. It’s out of gratefulness in my heart for what Jesus did on the cross for me that I’m seeking to live a life of speech and conduct in a way that honors God. 

When we are constantly giving into sin of any kind and not trying to fight it. We are making a statement that we are not grateful for what Jesus did on the cross. We'd rather have this momentary pleasure then having eternal pleasure in Jesus.

I have a lot more I could say and share, but right now have the absolute privilege to work in the public schools. One of the highlights for me is getting to lead a weekly bible study where we just study the truth of scripture and come together. Not only have multiple guys come to me struggling with pornography. I’ve had multiple girls struggling with the same thing. God wants to give freedom to you today if you are battling any hidden sin. He wants you to experience the grace that he offers. I want each person who daily bears the burden of hidden sin to experience the joy and hope I’ve experienced from opening up my life to others. God will bless you immensely with a new hope and joy that you have not experienced in a while. Earlier I shared 1 John 1:7. Two verses later in verse 9 it says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  (ESV)

Come find forgiveness and cleansing in the blood of Jesus!